Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
A Call to Gospel Centered Accountability
We have misunderstood this commandment. “Honor thy father and thy mother” has too often been diluted to mean, “Do not make them mad,” or “Keep the peace,” or “Pretend they were perfect.” But that is not honor. That is fear disguised as false humility. That is idolatry dressed in family values.
The command to honor is not a command to enable sin, ignore dysfunction, or perpetuate silence where the Gospel demands a roar. It is not a call to live as a child forever, pretending that your parents’ wounds never wounded you, or that their brokenness never broke anything in you. That is not honor. That is self betrayal. And it does not glorify God.
This is not a call to be disrespectful or to justify rebellion. But we must understand that honor is not the same as compliance. It is not the same as silence. And it is definitely not the same as pretending. If the Gospel has truly made us free, then we cannot walk in false loyalty. We must walk in truth.
The Weight of the Word Honor
In Hebrew, the word used is “kavod.” It means weight, substance, glory. So to honor someone is to treat them as weighty, as someone with substance. But pay attention. We are not honoring someone based on how they want to be treated. We are honoring them according to how God sees them in light of the Gospel.
Honor is not about playing the role of polite pretender. It is about recognizing the eternal value of someone’s life while still holding them accountable to the truth of Jesus Christ. You do not dishonor your parents by calling them to repentance. You dishonor them by letting them stay in bondage because you would rather keep the illusion of peace than step into the reality of the cross.
Too many grown sons and daughters are still afraid of disappointing their parents. Still afraid of being honest. Still dancing around dysfunction. That is not the fruit of the Spirit. That is the residue of slavery. The Gospel does not raise us to be cowards with polite masks. It raises us to be sons and daughters who walk in freedom and truth.
Jesus Redefined Family Loyalty
When Jesus was told His mother and brothers were waiting for Him, He replied, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers? Whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.” That was not dishonor. That was redefinition. That was Jesus restoring heavenly order over the ties of the flesh.
He was not rejecting Mary. He was revealing the higher reality. Spiritual family is not built on blood, it is built on obedience. Honor, then, must be understood through the Kingdom. If the Gospel has made you a new creation, then you are no longer bound by natural definitions. You are bound to Christ. That means you do not get to call silence “peace.” You do not get to call fear “respect.” You do not get to call compromise “love.”
You honor your father and mother by treating them the way God sees them. If they are still lost, you pray for them, bless them, forgive them, and speak truth. If they are still controlling or manipulative, you do not yield to that. You draw boundaries that reflect your identity as a son. If they are still wounded and religious, you love them deeply and forgive them fully, but you do not return to bondage to make them feel better.
Honor Holds the Line
Honor does not ignore sin. Honor refuses to be manipulated by it. Honor says, “I see who God called you to be, and I will not help you be anything less.” Honor says, “I love you enough to speak truth, even when it is uncomfortable.”
It is not dishonor to grieve the ways your parents failed you. It is not dishonor to admit that you were hurt. That is not accusation, that is truth. And the truth is what sets you free. If you never face the impact, you will never step into healing. And if you never heal, you will repeat what they did, even while you swear you will not.
The enemy loves to use this commandment to keep sons and daughters bound. Bound by silence. Bound by guilt. Bound by fear of being misunderstood. But the Kingdom does not advance through fear. It advances through truth. And truth has a name. Jesus Christ.
True Honor Is Prophetic
Prophetic honor is not flattery. It is confrontation wrapped in grace. It is a call to rise. When Noah was drunk and naked, one son mocked him and two sons covered him. That is often taught as honor. But let us be clear. Covering someone does not mean excusing their sin. It means we do not exploit it. It means we intercede. It means we restore with gentleness.
Honor does not excuse. It redeems. And you cannot redeem what you refuse to confront.
If your parents never repented, you do not honor them by acting like they did. You honor them by living as one who was healed by the Father’s love. You honor them by refusing to repeat cycles. You honor them by raising your children in truth. You honor them by letting the Gospel break what they handed you.
Some of you are the first in your family to break out of religion. The first to walk in freedom. The first to stop pretending and start pursuing holiness. That is honor. That is legacy. That is what it means to honor your father and mother in a way that pleases God. Not by preserving their image, but by carrying the Kingdom.
Because honor, in the Kingdom, is not about pleasing people. It is about pleasing the Father.
So forgive them, even if they do not change. Bless them, even if they curse you. Speak truth, even when it hurts. And walk free, because that is what sons and daughters do.
The commandment was never given to keep you in chains. It was given to point you to the Father. It was given to remind you that you were not raised by perfect people, but you are now being fathered by the Perfect One.
You are not called to pretend. You are called to walk in truth. That is honor. That is holy.
If you feel led to partner with what God is doing through this ministry, we invite you to sow into this work as the Spirit leads. Your generosity helps us continue to share His love and truth with others. There is no obligation, only an opportunity to join in what God is building. Thank you for considering being a part of this journey.
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